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Are you a boy mamma? Today I have some amazing tips from Melisa – a mother and writer – about how to raise a tough boy.
The relationship between mother and son is always special, and this is a special relationship. Warm feelings of the mother often prevail over the mind, and now she is lacing his shoes for him, feeding him with a spoon. Even if the son is already five, six, seven … Why? For what? If your son is over five years old, you are doing something wrong. “But he’s still my little one,” “Well, he won’t cope without me,” “How can I not take care of my baby?” … This is the road to degradation for your son. If you want him to grow up a man, think and stop. What are you doing this way?
How to Raise a Tough Boy
Previously, boys were raised by fathers and mothers (together). And then, after the wars, when so many men died, women could not figure out what to do with their son. The most convenient position was in raising a man’s home look for himself. Or even men. Instead of “real man” turned out to be a “domesticated man.” Moms did their best to make their sons comfortable. It seemed to them right. So that they please moms. And they have thereby mixed up all the roles. And at the same time, along the way, they broke their boys.
As a result, the program of the “home man” is as follows: do what the woman says, don’t upset her, don’t go far, don’t go anywhere, sit straight, listen, be comfortable. And what remains male about him? Where is the male power, determination, courage that always turns for his woman the excitement for him, the feelings, and the delight of meeting the winner? Where is his thirst for exploration of life, accomplishment, difficulty, character? More importantly, where is his leadership, where are the power and wild masculine energy? And then what are we waiting for when marrying the next generation of men raised by women?
And you will either let him become what he is, or crush and break him, turn him into something like a woman, but some strange and clumsy one, into a “man of domesticated.” You either bring up a man for whom your daughter-in-law will be grateful or, on the contrary, grow up incomprehensibly whom, then, another woman will have to suffer.
A boy will never become a man unless he encounters problems. Therefore you don’t have to do everything for him and sometimes you should leave him alone with troubles. You also need to him a chance to figure it out, learn. Think about it. If everything comes into his own hands, quickly and without tension. If in his life, everything happens by itself, without his participation. Wanted, received. If he does not get used to working. Relax your desire to help your son! Leave it for your daughters who need it (but it is them, for some reason, we force them to do everything on their own).
Let his world be a toy “battlefield.” Battles with socks and laces, with dirty plates, challenging tasks, complicated fighting techniques. Where should he try to win? Where you need to apply strength, ingenuity. More importantly, at what point should you train determination?
A boy will never become a man if there is no man next to him. What can you teach your son? Well honestly. How to be a woman. You can instill sensitivity, empathy, sensitivity within him. This is not bad, but does it make him a man? When he is already a man, understanding can also be developed for him – the wife will later say thanks. But if there is nothing masculine about him but the body?
Where can he take an example of male behavior? An example that will show him that his feelings and desires are normal and natural. When boys fight, mothers are usually in panic and horror. They will tell their sons for a long time that this is not normal. But the popes will understand – and the popes will be able to convey to their son – this is normal. The main thing is the reason. Does the reason deserve just such a solution to the question, or is it possible smoother and softer? Moms, it’s okay for boys to fight. This is a masculine way to solve problems. Fight the offender, invader, or obstacle. We cannot teach this to our sons.
Looking for even more tips on how to raise a tough boy? Check out this article for more tips.
We cannot understand the soul of our sons because we are arranged differently. They have other needs and other features. Mom from a son can grow only a small page that drags her royal mantle because it is very convenient to enjoy this world through your son. We will not be able to talk with them about what is relevant for them. We reject everything that heals them, a label is labeled “bad” and “uncultured.” How will they become men in this case?
Give fathers access to sons. And give the sons access to their fathers. Give them other men as much as possible. Grandfathers, uncles, brothers, teachers, friends, trainers. May their male world be full of men. Let imperfect, but men. Able to understand and guide them. A woman can never raise a man from her son. Only the “domesticated man.” Of good intentions. Out of love. But who would have the worst of it?
A boy will never become a man unless he has enough freedom. If he will not be able to climb everywhere, touch everything. Sometimes at risk for life and health. This is masculine nature – the discoverer, explorer, hero of an adventure novel. If he needs to sit on the pope, and inside his thirst for research – what to do? Most often – to kill a traveler, a discoverer, a cowboy, and all other “dangerous” subjects. In order not to worry, mom. In order not to upset her. And then my wife. What skiing? The wife is against it. What kind of parachutes? The wife cannot stand it.
This, by the way, is the answer to the question: “what if the father himself is a” domesticated man? How will he teach his son something? “As you and I are healed through our daughters, so can fathers be healed and grow, open up through fellowship with their sons. But their communication should be free – from women in the first place. Free, full of adventure, experience, new experience. Collective male experience. Not invented by you, but chosen by them (yes, sending father and son together to the “Christmas tree” is not considered).
A boy will not become a man if he does not learn to make decisions, make choices, and bear responsibility for this.
If you make all the choices for him, always hedge, always dictate the right decisions. Today he will do as you say, get a good result. But what will happen when you are not there? What decision can he make himself? Does he understand the consequences, is he familiar with responsibility? And who in his world is responsible for himself? Are you again?
Let him choose and what to do, how much, when, and how. What book to read, what game to play, what to draw, and how, with whom to make friends, what cartoon to watch, what responsibilities to perform at home. And so on. The more decisions he can build on his own, the better. Give him this practice – meetings with failures and victories so that in adulthood, he is not afraid of mistakes and defeats, having extensive experience working with them.
A boy will not become a man if he does not have the opportunity to lead, dominate, compete.
With whom will he work all this out if a woman brings him up? How can you compete with mom? In what? And how to dominate her, if she does not even give this opportunity to her husband?
Moreover, for the woman next to the man to be happy, there must be a state of possession of this woman inside him. “You are mine” – this message from men’s eyes can calm a woman’s heart. And many women have been looking for and waiting for this all their lives. But how does the boy learn this from his mother? No way. He can only learn to obey and suppress the leader in himself.
You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyesWally Schirra
A boy will never become a man if he has no responsibilities.
If he’s ready for everything and should not do anything. If you feed him from a spoon and do homework for him. If he doesn’t know how to clean T-shirts, get into the closet. If he does not know which side the refrigerator opens.
Notice that girls have responsibilities early enough. Although they could have been given time to relax, they will wash, cook, and clean their entire adult lives. But it would not hurt the boys to be able to serve themselves in everything. And then his wife will thank you later.
A boy never becomes a man if no one needs his help.
If mom is all alone, everywhere independently, and it protects him – what’s the point of becoming a man? The man is the one you need. Which help they need. Who can show all his best qualities, surpass himself for the sake of his beloved woman?
This is what you, as a mother, can. Ask him for help. More often more all the time. Ask to bring the packages, and play with your brother-sister, and take out the trash, and peel the potatoes, and help in the work. In any situation – ask for help. Do not evaluate in advance his strength, and they say he can’t cope. If you think so, it just can’t do it. And it won’t even take it. Feels distrust.
You are used to helping him all the time. Enough. Stop. Asks for help – better cheer up that he will cope. And let him try the practice. Change roles. It’s not you helping him, but he to you. In everything. He is your assistant, protector, hero, and knight.
Believe in him. Believe, more often believe, careless.
Leave the care for the daughters, and the boy makes your faith in him a man. You can handle it, you are strong. You are a man. Who, if not you.
As our second son recently told me: “Mom, I help you, and therefore, as a dad, I’m a real man!” A man does not pronounce some letters yet, but he is right. He is already a man. It is arranged in a completely different way and functions in a completely different way. And since I don’t understand anything about it, I don’t climb so as not to break anything. So far, he’s four. And he is still “my boy.” But inside my boy is already growing “real man” and this man is more and more. Very soon, the man will force the boy out of him. And I can only accept this – and not pull it back. Do not take it small, sweet, sweet, funny — only – strong, courageous, decisive, capable.
Allow your son to grow up as a man. Give him the freedom to be who he is.
Let your boys test their wings. They may not be eagles, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t soar free.C. J. Milbrandt
Do you want him to become a man?
Then educate yourself – learn not to command it, not to suppress it, not to limit it. Learn to work with your fears and worries – these are your emotions, and the boy has nothing to do with it. Learn to be a woman, give the reins to him; even he is only five or six years old. Learn to obey, learn to accept, and believe. Learn not to punish them physically, not to break their psyche in this way, learn to punish in a feminine way, by the suspension. This is much more difficult than making a little man out of a boy.
Out of our enormous love for our sons, we need to learn to be stricter and demanding with them. Out of love and concern for their future, we need to ask them for help more often, load them with physical labor. Out of respect for our sons, we need to surround them with men. And get out of the immediate environment, remaining in the field of view. Hugging and kissing the top of the head before going to bed, but in the afternoon, keep yourself in control and do not lisp with the boys. Mince words with the girls – this is with whom all this does not happen much.
And it all starts with our boys! There is much of the responsibility on our shoulders for the happiness of future generations.